Eleven People In A House
by Krizy888888
Summary: Pick 11 random Kingdom Hearts (not including Final Fantasy and Disney) characters. * These 11 people you just picked are stuck in a house with you for a whole year... Re-posted for Small-Cherry-Wolf- XIII.
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time, Xigbar, Vexen, Saix, Axel, Demyx, Roxas, Xion, Kairi, Riku, Sora and Ventus were kidnapped by zombies and carried to a house. They were dropped in the house, the zombies revealed themselves as undead aliens, and Ground Rules were established.

These rules, which I will tell you in an unnecessarily long and descriptive fashion, were:

*** You are all now stuck in this house for a year.**

*** You are all not allowed to leave until then.**

*** You are not allowed to kill each other.**

*** OR US, OR** **UUUUUSSSSS!**

These were burned into the door as the alien-zombies only spoke Nerd, which only Vexen understood. But after the third rule Kairi and Roxas went psycho on their asses, and killed them all. But it was partially too late: now they were restricted to the yard.

Thus, they were trapped, and one rule was broken already.


	2. Chapter 2

Night was approaching.

"Fuck!" Xigbar swore.

"What?" Kairi asked.

"We only have five rooms." He said.

Pause.

"I CALL SORA!"

"NO, I GET SORA!"

"I WANT ROXAS!"

"I GET AXEL!"

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, DEMYX!"

"TV!"

Sora ran towards the living room.

"Okay, let's talk this out calmly and mature-" Saix began, before the other nine decided to fuck it and riot. "Or start a riot..."

* * *

Before long, several pieces of furniture were broken, everything was covered in either scratch marks or burns, and the TV had fallen on Sora.

But at least they were finally talking about who sleeps where.

"Oh."

"Hell."

"No."

Kairi, Ventus and Roxas said. 'Cause horror is best experienced... *makes rainbow appear with hands* _together._

They did not feel the same way.

"Would you rather sleep with me and Four?" Saix growled at them.

"B-but it's... it's _Xigbar_..." Ventus said, horrified. "We'll kill each other!"

"As if! The alien zombies made this a no-kill zone." Xigbar slouched.

"WHAT?!" Kairi shrieked.

"Yep. Why else would we all still be in one piece?" Riku confirmed.

Roxas walked over to the corner, laid down, curled into the fetal position and began to rock gently. "I'm going to silently go crazy now." He announced, and began to suck his thumb.

"No! Roxas! Get up! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME WITH HIM!" Ventus shook Roxas violently.

It had no affect.

Xigbar, however, was perfectly fine with himself and Ventus alone... in a bedroom... He smirked. "It'll be fine, Ventus."

"Nooo, it won't." Ventus glared at him.

"It will be once I make you want it."

...

..

.

Many faces looked horrified.

"TMI, Xiggeh." Kairi said, and puked. Which caused a Chain of Puking.

"I'm not cleaning that up." Sora speedwalked to his and Xions' room. Xion made to follow, but was held back by Kairi.

"So much as _look_ at Sora suggestively, and I will kill you." Kairi hissed.

"That isn't much of a threat, seeing as my death was mostly suicide." Xion told her.

"But wasn't a suicide... it was a Sueicide!" Kairi declared.

"Sueicide?!" Mary-Sue appeared in a glittery explosion of glitter. "I've commit Sueicide! It was for the sake of my friends and adoring boyfri-"

"Get the hell out of here!" Kairi threw her Marluxia at her. By "Marluxia", I mean her flowery Keyblade. C'mon, who _didn't _think of Marly upon first seeing it?

"Owie!" Sue shrieked and ran into a pretty pink Corridor of Sueness.

"Dammit Kairi, you scared away the Sue." Sora whined.

"So?!" Kairi demanded.

"So, she could of freed us with her Mary-Sue Powa." Sora continued to whine.

"What?! KAIRI!" Ventus began to attack her. She fought back, summoning her Marluxia.

"Dude, he's kinda insulting you." Axel told Xigbar.

"Whatever." Xigbar snorted. "He'll think differently tomorrow..." He walked away.

"Use protection! Or else Aqua will kill you!" Xion called after him.

Xigbar gave her an obscene gesture.

"Axel, what does that mean?" Xion asked innocently.

"Uh..." _Think, Axel, think! _"The same as a thumbs up."

"Ohhh..." Xion smiled. "Great!" She turned to the fight. "Hey, Kairi!"

"Shit! XION, NOOOO!" Axel cried.

Too late.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, you daughter of a Vexen?!" Kairi rounded on Xion.

Xion took a defensive stance. "Excuse me?"

"Daughter. Of. A. Vexen."

"_A _Vexen?" Vexen asked, insulted.

"Bring it _on_, bee-atch!"

The two girls began to fight.

"Hot." Axel commented.

"Actually, it seems to be rather temperate..." Vexen murmured, before catching on. "Oh. Then yes. Yes it is."

BORING!

Suddenly, assassins dressed like Madonna burst in through the windows.

"OMFG MADONNA?!" Demyx squealed.

Saix knocked him unconscious.

"Nope." They then began to attempt bloody murder.

But the undead aliens would not allow this, and giant green tentacles shot in and dragged them out of there.

Everyone went quiet.

"Bedtime?" Xion suggested.

"Alright."

* * *

**In Bedroom One...**

Ventus' bed was covered with a thick force field made from pillows, blankets, and for luck a teddy bear he had named Terra Bear. Geddit?

Xigbar penetrated *;D* this with ease.

"Holy fuck, Xigbar!" Ventus tried to run away, only to be straddled by Xigbar...

* * *

**In Bedroom Two...**

"What are you doing?" Vexen asked Saix.

"Trying to see if I can see Kingdom Hearts from here." Saix craned his neck further out the window.

"Weirdo." The true weirdo muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

**Bedroom Three...**

"Soraaaaa," Xion moaned, "Go to bed already."

Sora was too busy playing his video game to notice.

Xion walked over there. "What are you playing, anyways?"

"Kingdom Hearts." Sora paused the game.

"Is that you?" Xion pointed.

"Yep! I'm about to beat the shit outta Demyx, wanna watch?" Sora asked.

"Sure."

_"Aw, we do have hearts. Don't be mad..."_

* * *

**Four...**

Kairi frowned. "Axel?"

"Nmhgn?"

"What's that noise?"

"Mmm... Roxas..." Axel chuckled sleepily. "My Roxy..."

"Axel?"

"What?"

"Why is 'your Roxy' screaming Xigbars' name?"

"What?!" Axel bolted straight up, then relaxed. "Oh. It's just Ventus."

"Damn, Ventus sounds like a whore." Kairi remarked.

"He is." Axel crawled back underneath his covers.

* * *

**Five...**

"_I like my sitar, sitar!_" Demyx strummed his sitar, only to be hit with another pillow.

"I get it, you love the frickin' song! Shut up already!" Riku covered his ears and buried his head into the pillow.

"But..."

"Shut. It."

"But..."

"**_MASTER XEHANORT!_**" Ventus screamed, no doubt in orgasm.

Demyx paused, the above line sinking in. When he did, Riku grabbed his sitar and smashed it against the wall.

Demyx stared at it for a moment. "You broke my sitar." He said quietly.

"Yeah." Riku tried to go back to his bed, but Demyx grabbed him by the hair.

"You. Broke. My. Sitar." Demyx repeated, Darkness surrounding him.

"You're touching my hair." Riku said, just as quietly.

"Nobody. Breaks. My. Sitar." Demyx began to attack Riku. Lot of violence in this house...

Riku fought back, cause Nobody. Touches. His. Hair.

"Guys! Guys!" Xion ran in. "We have our own video ga- eep!" She dodged a flying Keyblade.

"Quiet, we're fighting to the death!" Riku summoned his Keyblade, did a complicated flip-in-the-air and tried to bring the Keyblade down onto Demyxs' head.

"I thought we weren't allowed to kill each other." Xion said.

"What?!" They both turned to her.

"Yeah. We aren't." She said. They dropped their weapons, which in Demyxs' case was one of the bedposts.

"This isn't over." Demyx told Riku, glaring.

"Same here." Riku also glared.

"So, hey, um, want to see that video game?" Xion interrupted.

"What video game?" Demyx asked.

"We have our own video game! You're in it!" Xion tried to drag him away.

"Fine."

* * *

"Uh, Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is Saix here?"

"What?" Sora paused his game and turned around.

"I am here because someone mentioned Kingdom Hearts." Saix said.

"Right. Hey, a cutscene!"

"_Only you could have made it this far in one piece... Roxas._"

"It has Saix in it..." Xion noted.

"It does." Saix perked up.

...

"You just died." Xion told him.

Demyx snickered.

"Annoying bastard deserved- I mean, pity. Such a shame." Sora said.

A Claymore hit the back of his head, sending his face smashing against the TV screen.

"Sora!" Riku gasped, and then attacked Demyx.

Xion stared.

"What? I did it." Sora said.

"Wait- The TV's broken." Xion said.

"Yes...?"

"So now I can sleep! EVERYONE OUT!" She shoved everyone out and slammed the door.

* * *

The next morning, Ventus was absent from breakfast.

"Where's Ventus?" Sora asked.

"He can't walk." Xigbar smirked. "Won't be able to for a long while..."

Suddenly breakfast was a lot less appealing.


	3. Chapter 3

The following morning, it was concluded that Xion was insane.

She wanted a family picture.

Despite everything that was glaring, obviously _wrong_ with this, Axel agreed.

Roxas was still in the corner, and refused to talk. Which in Xionland meant yes.

Since Kairi also liked this idea and Sora, Demyx and Ventus thought they could tolerate it, the other three were outnumbered.

Which sucks when it's photo-taking.

* * *

"Okay, so, let's make sure we can see everyone." Kairi said, waving a baton. "Roxas and Ventus in the front? Vexen kinda sorta off to the side? Is somebody making sure that Xigbar stays the hell away from Ven?"

"Yes." Demyx moaned.

"Great!" Xion adjusted the camera, and she and Kairi jumped into the cameras' view.

FLASH.

"Great. We done?" Xigbar began to leave.

"Not yet." Xion pouted. "Me and Kairi are blurry. Retake!"

This was greeted happily with "No ways" and a thrown shoe.

"We're retaking it." Kairi glared at them, and since many fear her, it was complied.

FLASH.

"Vexens' eyes are closed!" Xion complained.

FLASH.

"You can't see Roxas' face!"

FLASH.

"...Turn Roxas away again!"

"Don't you already have a picture like that?" Ventus pointed out.

"Yeah, but..." Xion frowned and looked _so. Very. Down._

Axel closed his eyes in annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just take it."

Xion grinned.

FLASH.

"There. We're done. No more." Saix walked off, Vexen close behind.

Xion frowned. "Fine."

"Let's go stare at the pictures pointlessly!" Kairi said, and those two ran off.

"Women..." Sora muttered.

* * *

Later, Ventus was wandering around aimlessly. Which was boring. Until he heard a thump from the closet. Then he opened it up, and was forever blinded by the horrors of Vexen and Saix making out.

At one point Saix noticed him. "Ven?"

"Sora!" Ven shrieked, running away and into the stairs. Sora ran over.

"Idiot." Vexen said.

"I am not-"

"SORA!" Kairi walked over.

"What is it?" Sora asked. Kairi began to beat the ever-loving shit out of him.

"What's going on?" Axel asked.

"This pig ate all the potato chips!" Kairi snapped.

Pause.

"_That's _what you're so upset about?! C'mon, Kairi, I was actually kinda doing you a favor..." Sora said cheerfully.

Another pause.

"Run." Axel told him. So Sora did.

* * *

"The hell?" Xion looked at the toilet. "Who put plastic of the toilet?"

"Shhh!" Demyx told her, causing her to jump.

"Demyx!" Xion hissed.

"It's there for Riku. I also put it on the other one." Demyx explained.

Xion ripped the plastic off the toilet seat and began to suffocate him with it.

"Hmm! Alrhight!" Demyx tried to get it off.

"What's going on?" Riku stood in the doorway.

"Demyx-"

"Shiun-"

"Nevermind." Riku began to moonwalk away. "I don't wanna know."

* * *

Sora shrieked and jumped into Kairis' arms.

"What?" Kairi fell down.

"Mouse!" Demyx yelled.

"Kill it!" Sora wailed.

"Shut up!" Several bullets appeared from nowhere.

"You didn't kill it." Demyx said.

Another bullet flew towards his head, which he sidestepped. It hit the mouse dead on, causing a little pool of mouse blood to gather.

"Wait..." Demyx inspected the mouse closer. "Hoshit."

"What?" Sora took another look. "King Mickey?!"

"You killed Mickey..." Kairi told them slowly.

"Mickey?" Riku came down. "Your Majesty!"

"He's dead." Sora told him.

Riku broke down crying.

Kairi scooted away from him.

* * *

"Marathon!" Sora yelled, jumping in front of the TV.

"Of what?" Demyx came over.

"_The Last Paopu._" Sora told him dramatically.

"Dude, that's a womens' soap opera." Xigbar scoffed.

"No way! It's mucho macho." Sora flexed his Biceps That Never Were as Demyx sat down.

"It's starting!" Demyx interrupted.

"What is?" Kairi asked as she and Xion walked over.

"_The Last Paopu._" Sora told them.

"Oh-em-gee I love that show!" Kairi squealed.

"It's kinda girly, isn't it?" Xion asked.

Xigbar scoffed. Sora glared at him.

"It's not as bad as that stupid film Marluxia made." Sora grumbled.

"Shut up!" Kairi hissed. "Gary's talking to Mary!"

"_Don't you recognize me, Mary?_"

"_No. My plane crashed into a train, which went off-course and hit a boat, where my head was dismembered and had to be sewn back on in a world-record surgery! Plus, I got amnesia!_"

"_Noooooooooo!_"

"Macho." Xigbar quipped sarcastically.

"S-shut up." Sora wiped his eyes.

* * *

Later, Saix and Demyx were fighting. Only since the alien zombies took away everyones' weapons, they had to use pillows. That's actually lamer than it sounds.

Kairi walked by, and stopped. Then stared. Then started a pillow fight, which effectively repelled everyone that isn't Xion and Riku.

Xion was giggling madly. "C'mon, Riku, join in!"

Riku glared at her from his emo corner. "No."

"Please~?" Xion pouted.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Ple-"

"Stop acting so blonde." Riku grumbled, sulking away to find a new Emo Corner.

"I'm not _blonde_!" Xion gasped.

"You're acting like it..." Riku moped, and left.

"Killjoy." Xion spat.

"Who cares?" Kairi shrugged, and restarted the pillow fight.

* * *

**That Night...**

"La de dah de filler song, hmm la pointless hum." Demyx walked into the kitchen to find Ventus dancing on the table in a leopard thong.*

"OH MY KINGDOM HEARTS!" Demyx covered his eyes and fell to the ground.

"Hi Demyx!" Ventus drawled.

"Ven- Put some clothes on-" Demyx was trying to crawl away.

"Nah." Ventus jumped onto Demyx and continued dancing.

"The pain! The horror! The horrible pain!" Demyx gasped out.

Ventus hummed The Pointless Hum.

"What the hell are you screaming abou-" Xigbar walked in, only to freeze upon the sight. Ventus stared, equally shocked.

"Why are you on top of Demyx?" Xigbar asked.

"Why are you wearing Carebear pajamas?" Ventus asked.

"They're Kairis'." Xigbar said quickly.

"..." Ventus paused. "Okay." He continued dancing.

"Xiggy! Help me!" Demyx cried, trying to reach for the soulless, soulless man.

"No way, kiddo, you're on your own." Xigbar moonwalked away.

"You're not Michael Jackson!" Demyx wailed, before Ventus tangoed him unconscious.

"Whiner." Riku scoffed from his emo corner. "Right?" He looked at Roxas.

Roxas rocked himself and sucked his thumb.

Riku hung his head. "Nobody likes me."

"IIIIIII like yaaaa, Riiiiiiiiiikuuuuuu." A ghost appeared in front of him.

"MOUSE!" Riku shrieked, and beat it with a pillow.

"No- Riku- No!" The mouse-ghost died. Riku stared.

"No... Mickeys' ghost... Why?!" Riku fell to his knees.

"Whiner." Demyx scoffed, having woken up.

Ventus fell over laughing.

"I can't tell if you're high or drunk." Demyx told Ventus, who of course took no notice and continued to laugh.

* * *

Everyone stared at the charred remains of the kitchen and the rooms surrounding it.

"How did Axel not start that fire?" Xion asked.

Axel shot her a look.

"I was trying to make pancakes." Kairi said sheepishly.

"Who let you near a kitchen?!" Sora exclaimed. Kairi invaded his personal space, breathing fire. "Not that you aren't great at cooking!"

"Thanks Sora!" Kairi brightened. Sora exhaled in relief.

"Let's just get the alien-zombies on it." Vexen said, walking away.

"Sure." Saix followed him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Some nights I stay up, cashing in my bad luck, some nights I call it a draw." Demyx sang, annoying the hell out of everybody.

"I always have bad luck..." Riku muttered, holding a Mickey plushie.

"You're annoying." Demyx told him, and continued to "sing" at the top of his lungs.

Several bullets broke through the wall, aimed for Demyxs' throat. Demyx ducked, and they went into the next room.

"But I still wake up, I still see a ghost." Demyx sang.

"I saw Mickeys' Ghost." Riku said. "Before I kille-" He was interrupted by Demyx knocking him out with his sitar.

"I thought we weren't allowed to have our weapons." Xion stated.

"When did you get here?" Demyx asked. She shrugged.

"When-"

"CANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Sora pounced on Xion.

"Getoffme!" Xion began to attack him.

"Not until I get my candy!" Sora fought back.

"What candy?" Demyx asked.

"I have no idea!" Sora stated.

"..." Xion stopped to stare, giving Sora the chance to knock her out and empty her pockets.

"She doesn't have any candy." Sora grumbled. He then perked up and ran away. "Hey, Ventus!"

* * *

Ventus was existing when Sora lunged at him. A fight broke out between them.

"The hell?" Xigbar stared at the sight, before ducking as a shoe came towards him.

"CANDY!" Sora hissed, foaming at the mouth.

"Uh, here!" Ven threw a banana at Sora.

"That's a banana." Xigbar said flatly.

"I. Want. Candy." Sora growled.

Kairi walked by, licking lollipops.

Sora pounced on her, and

**WE WILL RETURN TO 'ELEVEN PEOPLE IN A HOUSE' AFTER THIS BRIEF COMMERCIAL BREAK.**

_An all-new series is sweeping the Worlds..._

_One that will make you cry, laugh, and then cry some more..._

_"Fascinating", "Insightful," "Humorous,"..._

_Starring everyones' favorite... uh, um... something..._

**_Larxenes' Cooking Show._**

_[Larxene is shown in a chefs' apron holding a butcher knife, which she throws at the camera. The screen goes static.]_

_ON TWELVE TWELVE TWELVE, AT TWELVE TWELVE._

**WE NOW RETURN TO 'NINE PEOPLE IN A HOUSE'.**

Sora sat down happily, sucking the lollipops as Kairi was wheeled off the the hospital-wing-room-thingiemacbob. Xigbar backed away from him slowly.

"Hi guys! What's goin' on?" Demyx happily skipped over to them.

"Sora killed Kairi." Xion pointed at Sora.

"I dihnit keehl her." Sora said, still eating the lollipop.

"Close to it, we suddenly need a hospital room for what you did." Xion said.

Suddenly aquatic pandas jumped in through the window.

"Secure the premises! Gather the witnesses! Bring me my bamboo!" One of them ordered.

"The fuck?" Xigbar asked.

"Quiet, JenkinJohnson." The Head Panda snapped.

"I'm not JekinJohnson." Xigbar told him.

"You're not?" The Panda asked.

"No."

"Wrong place, boys. The giant wooden flamingo must be elsewhere..." The Head Panda ninja'd away, followed by his comrades.

"Whadda nithe pindah." Sora commented.

"What?" Xion asked.

Sora removed the lollipops. "I said, 'What a nice panda.'" He stuck the lollipops back into his mouth.

* * *

"Listen up!" Xion stood from atop the kitchen table.

"What?" Sora asked, clearly bored.

"We need to set some authority figures 'round here." Xion declared, still on a bad idea streak.

"I vote me." Xigbar said.

"You?! We'd never get anything done with you in charge!" Vexen protested.

"I agree." Saix stated.

"He's better than Sora." Demyx pointed out.

"Hey!" Sora glared at him.

"How about me?" Axel smirked.

"Oh, hell no." Xion said.

"Burn." Xigbar chuckled.

"I'll do it!"

"No, me!"

"I want to do it!"

"Let's draw straws!" Demyx ran off to find some straws.

"Or perhaps a vote?" Saix suggested.

"No way." Xion said.

"Who put you in charge?" Vexen snapped at her.

"I got the straws!" Demyx held them out. "Now close your eyes and pick one. I'll be watching, so don't bother to try and-"

Axel slapped him. "Shut up already." He chose one.

Everyone else followed suit.

"Who has the longest straw?" Demyx asked.

"Me." Xigbar said.

Silence.

Vexen walked away. "I'm going to lock myself away now." He closed the door to his and Saixs' bedroom.

"What about me?!" Saix tried to get in, to no avail.

"Sleep with me." Axel suggested. "Kairis' bed's free."

An alien-zombie came in. "None of you will be the leaders- I SHALL!"

"Draw a straw." Demyx held them out.

The alien-zombie did. "Dammit!"

"Not as long as Xiggys', huh?" Xion patted his back.

"Toh bad." Sora said through a mouthful of potato chips.

"Do you _ever _stop eating?" Ventus asked.

"Whem I keehled Dehmis and Saiis." Sora said.

"..." Ventus looked dumbfounded.

"He said, 'When I killed Demyx and Saix.'" Xion translated.

"Hey guys, I'm healed!" Kairi walked in, slipped on some ice, and hit the ground. Then she screamed in pain.

"HolyshitKairis'bleeding!" Sora dropped the chips and ran around, hitting every door and wall possible. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"I'll get Eoj Stu on it." The alien said. Another alien-zombie- Eoj Stu -came in and carried Kairi away.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Axel asked.

"Tanning." Xion replied.

"On the roof?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"In the rain?"

"What?" Xion looked around. "Shit!"

"How could you..." Axel began, but cut himself off. "Nevermind."

Xion dragged him inside.

* * *

"..." Ventus was brushing his teeth.

"..." Xigbar was watching him.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Stop that!" Ventus glared at him. "It's fuckin' creepy."

"..." Xigbar didn't even blink, watching and staring and watching- "No."

"I said," Ventus summoned his Keyblade, "Stop it!" He swung at Xigbar. Xigbar summoned his arrowguns, and the two began to fight anime-style.

Which led to the complete destruction of the bathroom.

"Anyone in... here?" Demyx asked, opening the door and standing still.

"Go ahead." Ventus told him, trying to untangle his Keyblade and Xigbars' hair.

"Uh... Nevermind." Demyx walked away quickly.

"Why did he have plastic wrap?" Ventus asked aloud.

"Why the hell should I know?" Xigbar growled. Ventus roughly jerked the Keyblade, causing Xigbar to shoot him repeatedly. This caused two alien-zombies to come in. One took Ventus away while the other cut off Xigbars' hair before taking him away too.

* * *

_"Gary, I have... a confession!"_

Sora leaned in closer to the screen.

_"I... this... is... ... ..."_

Even closer...

_"... *inhales* ..."_

Closer...

Kairi threw her Keyblade into the TV.

"No!" Sora howled, getting onto his knees. "She was just about to tell him it was his kid! Why, Kairi, why...?!"

"Because," She took out her Keyblade and began to beat Sora with it, "Somebody. Hospitalized. Me. For. Lollipops!" She said, hitting him with each word.

"They were cherry!" Sora objected, trying to dodge the blows.

"Like. I. Care." She shot Fire at him, prompting him to run away with her in pursuit.

* * *

"You know, maybe I should get over my depression..." Riku mused.

"Like hell!" Kairi and Sora ran by.

"I thought not..." Riku shuffled away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Who took the socks?!"

Xion stormed into the room.

"What socks?" Sora asked.

"The socks we got at the store. The only clean pair we had." Xion added.

"Go barefoot, what's the worst that could-"

"I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS PLACE!" Xigbar shot Krizys' Caps Lock, the bastard.

"I'm fucking sick of you!" Kairi snapped at him.

"What did I do?!" He demanded.

"Did you take the socks?" Xion turned to him.

"What socks?"

Kesha began to blare from upstairs.

"Who turned the damn music up?" Xigbar started towards the stairs, before a Marluxiablade went through his cloak and trapped him there.

"My Keyblade!" Kairi glared at Xion.

"I wasn't done with him." Xion explained, not nearly as calmly as that was typed.

Axel came downstairs in a clown suit.

"Why are you-" Sora began.

"Don't ask. Just. Don't. Ask." Axel replied.

A fight broke out between Kairi and Xion.

"Guys, stop it." Krizy Sue said.

They continued to fight.

"_I am a cannibal!_" Kesha continued to blare.

"What the hell do they put in these Keyblades?!" Xigbar tried to dislodge the Keyblade.

"Light-slash-Darkness." Sora told him.

"Aw, den da dawkness wuvs choo, Xiggie~" Krizy cooed, before being shot to death.

"FREE!" Xigbar dislodged it. Kairi then kicked his face and grabbed it.

Then continued to fight Xion.

Axel squirted the girls with water.

This did not affect them.

Then two tentacles shot in through the windows and separated them.

"Hey!" Kairi squirmed.

"Stop fighting." The alien-zombie told her.

"Fine." They slouched.

* * *

"Demyx!" Xigbar shot Demyxs' CD player.

"_I'll pull a Jeffery D-_" Kesha was cut off.

"Hey!" Demyx ran over to it.

"The music was too damn loud. Nobody even likes Kesha." Xigbar grumbled.

Crickets.

"Fine." Demyx pouted.

* * *

Sora looked around. Seeing no one, he swept the dirt under the rug. "I'm done with the chores!" He yelled, and ran off.

* * *

Vexen was depressed.

"What's wrong?" Kairi asked.

"I miss her." He moped.

"Her? Who's her? Your mother?" Kairi asked.

Vexen glared-ed at her. "No. _Her _is my lab."

"Your lab." Kairi repeated slowly.

"Yes, my lab!" Vexen snapped.

"Whatever, crazy guy." Kairi ran off.

* * *

"I have... an idea!" Xion proclaimed.

"No." Xigbar told her.

"But-"

"_No_. I'm not letting you go through with another stupid idea-"

"I'll hear you out." Axel offered.

"Great! Come on- I already have the doughnuts ready!" Xion grabbed his wrist and led him away.

"What?" He asked, being led away.

* * *

A number of minutes later, they were in Xion and Soras' room. "So, you know how Dancing Person-Bear is always dancing?"

Axel looked to the open doorway as a person dressed in a light blue and purple panda bear suit tango'ed past. "When did-"

"Well, then I made a machine made of doughnuts to coat it in tar to make it stop dancing." Xion explained, pouring liquid candy canes into the doughnut contraption.

"Xigbar was right, this _is _stupid... count me in!" Axel helped her aim the Doughnut Machine.

"Three!"

"Two!"

"_One_!"

It exploded, coating them in delicious tar and destroying the bedrooms.

"I was never here." Axel portal'ed away.

"Nor was I." Xion also portal'ed away.

* * *

Several alarms went off.

"Kairi! Help!" Ven ran in, panicked. "We're being attacked by aliens and zombies!"

"Isn't that just our captors?" Kairi asked.

"No, our captors are a mixture of both. BUT THE ALIENS ARE GONNA TAKE DOWN THE ZOMBIES AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIE!" Ven wailed.

"Yay~!" Sora floated past.

"Yay?! You're gonna be _happy _I'm _dead_?!" Kairi summoned her Keyblade.

"Wait, you can kill him later. First, the zombies!" Ven ordered.

* * *

Outside, it was war.

Then in the very midst of the battle a huge, extravagent ship descended and the King Of All That Is Venus And Pluto appeared. "Take us to your parents!"

Ven looked up. "Why? I thought aliens wanted to be taken to our leaders."

"Earths' politics suck." KOATIVAP(Da King) said. "Who are the parental figures here?"

Everyone looked at each other, then shrugged. "Kairi and Xigbar?"

"Damn, your childhood must of been a mess." KOATIVAP commented. "Forget them, then! Who is the most respectful?"

More looks. "Uhm... Demyx?"

"Alright." A laser beam appeared and zapped up Demyx.

"Yes! THANK YOU~!" Saix got down on his knees and cried tears of joy.

"Who's the tallest and the shortes- who the hell came up with these questions?!" KOATIVAP tore a piece of paper and threw it to The Wind That Wasn't There._  
_

Axel grabbed it. "Pick 10 Random Kingdom Hearts(not including Final Fantasy and Disney) characters... Waitaminit!"

"That's mine." Krizy grabbed it from him and danced away.

KOATIVAP laughed evilly. "You fools! While you were distracted, I had my underlings steal all of your ice cream and strawberries!"

Everyone watched in muted horror as all the sea-salt ice cream was pulled up slowly towards the spaceship...

Before, dramatically, Roxas burst through the windows of the house, Keyblades in hand, and destroyed the spaceship epically. Like a _boss_.

"Not today." He whispered hoarsely as the machine exploded behind him, like a movie scene.

"Roxas! I though you were silently going crazy in a corner!" Xion squealed happily.

"Not while the ice cream's at risk." Roxas began to eat one of them. "But yeah, I'll go do that now." He walked off.

"No~!" Axel fell to his knees. "Roxy, why~?!"

Oblivion hit him on the head, sending him to oblivion.

Oathkeeper hit Krizy on the head, causing her to stop the bad jokes.

"Yay!" Xion cheered.

"Alright, let's clean up." Alien-zombie Eiram-Sue ordered.

* * *

The next morning, Sora woke everyone up with pots and pans.

"Shuddup!" Kairi grumbled, sitting up. Next to her, Xion also woke up.

"Huh...?" Xion got up and looked around. "Why are we all in the living- oh yeah."

"WAKEY WAKEY EGGS N' BAKEY!" Sora screamed, banging together his pots and pans.

Tester Zero hit him, sending him down.

"Great. Let's kill him now,while we have the chance!" Kairi aimed her Keyblade at his heart.

"Kairi, no!" Xion stopped her. "We need him to... uh... eh, go ahead." Xion released her hold.

"**No.**" Tentacles stole the Keyblade.

"Hey..." Xion just noticed something. "You bitch!" She tried to hit Kairi. "You're wearing the same sweater as me!"

Demyx giggled.

"What?" Xion rounded on him.

"_Sweat_er." He told her.

"Derp." Sora commented, getting up.

"Noooooo! Our chaaaaance!" Kairi fell to her knees in anguish.

Suddenly an Angry Letter hit her.

Xion picked it and opened it. "Meeting in an hour. That wasn't angry."

"It was thrown in anger." Iarm Sue retorted.

"Point taken." Xion agreed, and put away the letter.

* * *

"We don't think this is working out." Irrag Stu said as everybody sat around the kitchen table, drinking coffee.

"So, you're letting us go?" Kairi asked.

"Yes." Iram Sue said.

"But the year isn't up." Ven said.

"We don't care. Just go." Irrag Stu said.

"Okay. C'mon, guys!" Axel made towards the door. Everyone- sans the alien-zombies -followed him.

Then they lived deathfully ever after.

The end.


End file.
